Regrets

"Mel?"

The blonde grunted in response, absorbed in his current case file. Matt fingered a hole in his washed out jeans. A question had been bothering him. One that not even video games could keep off his mind.

"Do you regret being here?" His voice wasn't hushed. He had tried to keep it as strong as possible, letting Mello know that he could handle the answer. Inside, it was a lie. He wouldn't be able to handle knowing if Mel hated him for making him stay. His hands clenched above his knees.

Matt didn't notice Mello as he watched him from across the room. Matt didn't see the sorrow that swept over the blonde's face. Matt couldn't catch the sight of his best friend biting his lower lip to keep from screaming at the gamer. Matt didn't hear as Mello got up from his chair either. Instead, the red head kept his eyes shut behind his goggles. His breathing was a little shallow as the possible responses ran through his mind. He hates me. He's gonna hit me. He's gonna think I'm the weakest coward and leave. I'd hate me too with everything I made him give up. The sacrifices I caused him to make.

Something soft brushed against his knuckle. Mello slid his finger along the back of Matt's fist. The redhead felt the couch dip a little and a warm shoulder press against his. He didn't look at the blonde. He knew what was coming, what Mello would say. Matt took a deep breath and readied himself for the worst.

"I regret making you wait for me."

Matt looked at his friend in surprise. An affirmation of feeling? It was unexpected considering who it was coming from. Blue eyes stared back at him calmly. Matt searched them, looking for any hint of sarcasm. There was none. Mello shifted his body to carefully reach over and pull the goggles from Matt's eyes. Blue to green. No barriers. Just them.

"I regret picking the case over you."

Matt could feel that his jaw had dropped slightly. It probably looked ridiculous but he couldn't make himself move. He had to remind himself to breathe evenly as Mello slid his index finger down the side of his neck. He kept moving over Matt's shoulder, down his arm, to the back of his hand. Mello's head was bowed as he traced Matt's hand with one finger. All Matt could do was stare.

"I regret a great many things but not this. Not being here. Not you."

Mello looked back up, blue eyes catching his. Matt could swear he saw something then. Something his best friend kept tightly bound. Was it a window opening? Was it a break in Mello's cold demeanor? Trust me Mello. Please, trust me. Matt begged silently. Something akin to electricity shot up Matt's arm as Mello wrapped his hand around his fist.

"I don't regret you."